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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28921629">Jane Crocker's Online Kitchen</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/TreasonousToaster/pseuds/TreasonousToaster'>TreasonousToaster</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Jane Crocker's Online Kitchen [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Homestuck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - No Sburb/Sgrub Sessions, Background Relationships, Dialogue-Only, Not Humanstuck, Pesterlog(s) (Homestuck), Post-Sburb/Sgrub, idk if that counts cause its dialogue but, jane tries teaching her friends to cook, like theyre only mentioned briefly, the relationships are super minor</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 12:48:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,857</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28921629</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/TreasonousToaster/pseuds/TreasonousToaster</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Jane Crocker attempts to teach all her friends how to cook.<br/>It goes about as horribly as you’d expect.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Jane Crocker's Online Kitchen [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2121582</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Jane Crocker's Online Kitchen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>this is literally a first draft and hasnt been beta read or edited so im sorry if theres any mistakes</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
	<span class="jane">JANE: Alright, is everyone here?</span><br/>
<span class="calliope">CALLIOPE: i think so ^u^</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: yees</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Perfect.</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: So are we ready to start?</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: yees</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">DIRK: Yes.</span><br/>
<span class="john">JUNE: wait im still getting stuff!</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: June, I asked you to have everything ready in advance.</span><br/>
<span class="john">JUNE: i know i know just give me a minute</span><br/>
<span class="jake">JAKE: Are we starting?</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Jake, June just said she needed a minute.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">JAKE: Oh sorry sorry! I wasnt listening</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Clearly...</span><br/>
<span class="john">JUNE: okay im good to go now</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Good.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: aight what are we making again</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Pancakes, Dave.</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: I already said that multiple times.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ok</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Alright, now, before we start; are there any other questions?</span><br/>
<span class="rose">ROSE: Yes, why exactly are we doing this?</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Because it will be fun!</span><br/>
<span class="jade">JADE: yeah! and its educational :D</span><br/>
<span class="rose">ROSE: I do not need to learn how to cook, my cooking is just fine as is.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: rose your cooking sucks</span><br/>
<span class="rose">ROSE: No.</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">DIRK: Yes.</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: yeaaa.... no offense rosey but it totally does</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: rite janey?</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: I don't like to say anyone's cooking 'sucks' but...</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: I suppose yours could use some work, Rose.</span><br/>
<span class="rose">ROSE: Well.</span><br/>
<span class="rose">ROSE: You are the professional, I suppose.</span><br/>
<span class="rose">ROSE: Though frankly, this is just offensive.</span><br/>
<span class="john">JUNE: truth hurts rose!</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Anyway! We are getting off track and we haven't even started yet.</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: I picked out an easier recipe as some of you are a little less... Um.. Experienced in the kitchen.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: that was targeted at you rose</span><br/>
<span class="rose">ROSE: Shut up, Dave.</span><br/>
<span class="john">JUNE: yeah shut up dave!</span><br/>
<span class="jake">JAKE: I think we ought to let janey speak now</span><br/>
<span class="calliope">CALLIOPE: yes! that sounds like a good idea</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: (what when did calliope get here)</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Thank you.</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Now, do you all have all the ingredients and equipment I sent you yesterday?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: can i use that weird ground-bug flour instead of regular flour?</span><br/>
<span class="john">JUNE: ew..</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: thats all we had and i dont want to go to the store</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: I suppose.. The recipe is designed for regular flour, but I guess that would work.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: cool</span><br/>
<span class="john">JUNE: i dont know how you guys can eat bugs..</span><br/>
<span class="john">JUNE: it sounds disgusting</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: bro thats culturally insensitive</span><br/>
<span class="rose">ROSE: It's an acquired taste.</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: ANYWAY, if everyone has all the ingredients - troll or otherwise, it doesn't matter - we can finally begin.</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: First, you want to take the flour and measure out one cup.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">JAKE: (One cup)</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ok i have like three measuring thingies which ones which</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">DIRK: The measurement is on the bottom.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: oh</span><br/>
<span class="rose">ROSE: Technical question; what would one do if one happened to spill some flour?</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: omg what</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Well, that depends on how much you spilled I suppose.</span><br/>
<span class="rose">ROSE: ...</span><br/>
<span class="rose">ROSE: All of it.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yo what the fuck</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: rosey seriously?</span><br/>
<span class="john">JUNE: pfft how</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: (Dear God...)</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Alright it should be easy enough to clean up just do not put water on it.</span><br/>
<span class="rose">ROSE: ...</span><br/>
<span class="jade">JADE: rose did you put water on it?</span><br/>
<span class="rose">ROSE: ...</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Sigh</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Did you?</span><br/>
<span class="rose">ROSE: I may have.</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Alright, well whatever is not wet can just be scraped up fairly easily.</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: I suppose you will just have to wipe up the wet flour with a cloth.</span><br/>
<span class="rose">ROSE: Very well.</span><br/>
<span class="john">JUNE: what do we do next?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: we wait for rose to stop being incompetent</span><br/>
<span class="calliope">CALLIOPE: i do not think we shoUld be too harsh on rose u_u;;</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: ya shut up davey</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: what the fuck</span><br/>
<span class="jake">JAKE: I think i measured a little too much flour</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: How much?</span><br/>
<span class="jake">JAKE: Well im not entirely sure janey! But its certainly more than one cup</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Oh dear..</span><br/>
<span class="rose">ROSE: I think that is all of it.</span><br/>
<span class="rose">ROSE: Shall we proceed?</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: One moment, Rose. Jake have you cleaned it up?</span><br/>
<span class="jake">JAKE: Im doing it right now</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Alright, I am going to continue with the instructions now, I trust you will catch up?</span><br/>
<span class="jake">JAKE: Right-o janey!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: what</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Alright, you're going to sieve the flour into the bowl. If it is self-raising you don't need to do anything else, if it is not you will need to add one teaspoon of baking powder.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: is bug flour self raising</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: does it raise itself</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: no parental unit needed</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: I don't know, Dave.</span><br/>
<span class="jade">JADE: i think it is?</span><br/>
<span class="jade">JADE: what type is it?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: jade i literally dont know anything about bug flour other than its made of beetles</span><br/>
<span class="jade">JADE: oh im pretty sure its not self raising</span><br/>
<span class="john">JUNE: just add baking powder and see what happens</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">DIRK: Is there a way to get the lumps out?</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: There shouldn't be any lumps.</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">DIRK: What?</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: There shouldn't be any lumps, Dirk.</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">DIRK: Okay, but there is.</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: did ya sieve it?</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">DIRK: Oh.</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">DIRK: Yeah, see I forgot to do that.</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Dirk! I just told you to sieve it!</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">DIRK: Yeah, sorry. I got bored listening to everyone talking about flour and just dumped it in.</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: sigh</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: I guess that's fine. Just listen to everything else, okay?</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">DIRK: Got it.</span><br/>
<span class="john">JUNE: so whats next?</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Right, next add the sugar. Two tablespoons should do it. You don't need to sieve it, just make sure it's not stuck together as that happens sometimes.</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: callie do u want to do it?</span><br/>
<span class="calliope">CALLIOPE: oh! yes thank yoU roxy ^u^</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: yeaaaaaa :D</span><br/>
<span class="jake">JAKE: Alrighty i think everyone should be able to handle that</span><br/>
<span class="jake">JAKE: Whats next janey?</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Next, add just a tiny sprinkle of salt.</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: The best way to do it is to shake it onto your hand first and then just put a pinch into the bowl.</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: uhhhh</span><br/>
<span class="calliope">CALLIOPE: oh! roxy!</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: whoops</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Sigh</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: What happened?</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: so i did what u said yea? like i poured it into my hand first but uhhhh WAYYYY too much came out</span><br/>
<span class="calliope">CALLIOPE: it went into the mixtUre.. u_u;;</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: ya</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Oh my..</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Well, I'm not sure you can fix that.</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Definitely don't put any more in.</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: what do i do with the rest of the salt</span><br/>
<span class="john">JUNE: put it back in the thingy</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: swipe it on the floor</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Put it back, not on the floor.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: thats what i did</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Don't do that.</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: aight hang on gimme a sec to get this shit outta ma bowl</span><br/>
<span class="jade">JADE: this is going well :/</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">DIRK: I don't know what we expected, honestly.</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Sigh</span><br/>
<span class="rose">ROSE: Even I didn't mess up putting a little salt in a bowl, Roxy.</span><br/>
<span class="kanaya">KANAYA: (Thats Because I Did It)</span><br/>
<span class="rose">ROSE: Sh.</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Oh, is Kanaya joining us?</span><br/>
<span class="kanaya">KANAYA: No I Am Just Observing For A Moment</span><br/>
<span class="kanaya">KANAYA: I Did Not Appreciate Rose Getting Flour All Over My Kitchen</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: pfft</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: ya kanaya u should b helping her u kno she cant cook for shit</span><br/>
<span class="kanaya">KANAYA: That Is Very True Roxy</span><br/>
<span class="rose">ROSE: Thank you for being so supportive.</span><br/>
<span class="kanaya">KANAYA: Of Course</span><br/>
<span class="kanaya">KANAYA: (I Will Leave Now)</span><br/>
<span class="kanaya">KANAYA: &lt;3</span><br/>
<span class="rose">ROSE: &lt;3</span><br/>
<span class="rose">ROSE: Also this is technically baking, not cooking.</span><br/>
<span class="john">JUNE: yet you still suck at it</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Alright, I am going to move onto the next step.</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Just mix all that together for a second so it all looks like one thing.</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: And then we are going to measure out the milk.</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Is everyone following so far?</span><br/>
<span class="calliope">CALLIOPE: yes!</span><br/>
<span class="jake">JAKE: I believe so</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yuh</span><br/>
<span class="jade">JADE: mhm!</span><br/>
<span class="rose">ROSE: Yes.</span><br/>
<span class="john">JUNE: think so</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Perfect! So, next you want to measure out a cup of milk.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: do i use the same measure thing?</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Yes.</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: You can rinse it out first if you want.</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">DIRK: Do we add that in?</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Not yet.</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Also measure out a quarter cup of milk.</span><br/>
<span class="jade">JADE: a cup and a quarter?</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Yes.</span><br/>
<span class="john">JUNE: now do we add it?</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Yes, go ahead.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">JAKE: We just pour it all in?</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Yes. Pour that in and then crack the egg into a cup.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">JAKE: An actual cup?</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Yes, an actual cup, not a measuring cup.</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: oops</span><br/>
<span class="calliope">CALLIOPE: its ok we can still pUt it in</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: It's fine if you cracked it into the measuring cup, it doesn't really matter.</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Pour the egg in. Now you need three table spoons of melted butter.</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: I am hoping that you all read my message and melted the butter in advance?</span><br/>
<span class="john">JUNE: yes</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: yep callie was in charge of that</span><br/>
<span class="calliope">CALLIOPE: ^u^</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">DIRK: No, hang on.</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Dirk, what are you doing?</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">DIRK: I'm going to melt the butter.</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Dirk, wait-</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: And he's gone.</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Alright, well, add the butter into the mixture and whisk all of this together.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ok so i didnt melt the butter</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: and now its all lumpy</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Dave, I told you to melt the butter.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i know</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: but i didnt</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Sigh.</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Okay, you'll just have to mix it more.</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Everyone keep mixing until it's completely smooth.</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">DIRK: Okay,  I'm back.</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Oh good, just add the butter-</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">DIRK: Yeah, I burned it.</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: You what?</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">DIRK: I stuck it in the microwave and it burned.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: snort</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Jesus, Dirk.</span><br/>
<span class="rose">ROSE: And you claim I suck at cooking.</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">DIRK: I didn't actually say that but now that you've brought it up, yeah you really do.</span><br/>
<span class="rose">ROSE: Thank you, Dirk.</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Well add that in anyway, I guess.</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: You'll just have to add  more sugar to sweeten it, so you don't taste the burning.</span><br/>
<span class="john">JUNE: oh can i add more sugar too?</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Did you burn the butter?</span><br/>
<span class="john">JUNE: no</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Then no.</span><br/>
<span class="john">JUNE: what why?</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Because the amount of sugar it has is perfectly fine.</span><br/>
<span class="john">JUNE: :/</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: can i add more?</span><br/>
<span class="calliope">CALLIOPE: roxy ^^;</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: No Ro-</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: can i</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: No one add any more sugar!</span><br/>
<span class="jake">JAKE: Can i add more salt?</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: I-</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Why?</span><br/>
<span class="jake">JAKE: Can i?</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Wh-</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Sigh</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Fine.</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: But from now on we stick to the recipe.</span><br/>
<span class="john">JUNE: im adding more sugar</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: ...</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Anyway.</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Once it's completely smooth you can start making the pancakes.</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Put the pan on the heat and turn it up. We will turn it down to cook them, but it's good to get the heat up first.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ok its still lumpy n shit</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Just keep mixing it. And turn the heat on.</span><br/>
<span class="jade">JADE: can i put it in the pan yet?</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Add some oil - olive or sunflower, both work.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: what about beetle?</span><br/>
<span class="john">JUNE: ewww you have beetle oil???</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: naw im just fuckin with you that doesnt exist</span><br/>
<span class="jade">JADE: yes it does</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: what</span><br/>
<span class="jade">JADE: beetle oil! ive seen it in your kitchen before</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: wait really?</span><br/>
<span class="jade">JADE: no!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: what</span><br/>
<span class="jade">JADE: it doesnt exist! do you not know whats in your kitchen?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: dude i dont grocery shop</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: thats all karkat</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: whyd you think we had so much bug shit</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: haha bug shit</span><br/>
<span class="jake">JAKE: Jane do i put the mixture in the pan now?</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Yes, turn the heat down to around three and put two spoonful's of the mixture onto the it.</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: You'll want to let it cook until little bubbles start to form on the visible side, when it starts to look like that, take the spatula and flip it over.</span><br/>
<span class="rose">ROSE: It won't lift.</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: What?</span><br/>
<span class="rose">ROSE: It's stuck to the pan.</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Did you oil it?</span><br/>
<span class="rose">ROSE: Yes.</span><br/>
<span class="rose">ROSE: I think it's burning.</span><br/>
<span class="john">JUNE: did you turn the heat down?</span><br/>
<span class="rose">ROSE: Yes!</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">DIRK: Are you sure?</span><br/>
<span class="rose">ROSE: I turned it-</span><br/>
<span class="rose">ROSE: Oh.</span><br/>
<span class="rose">ROSE: ...</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: u didnt turn it down did u?</span><br/>
<span class="rose">ROSE: That is irrelevant.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: haha you suck</span><br/>
<span class="rose">ROSE: You are no better than I am, Dave.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: bro thats a fuckin lie</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: im a perfect little househusband</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: all cookin meals n shit</span><br/>
<span class="john">JUNE: dave i have never seen you cook before</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i have cooked before</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: naw ive had daves cooking b4</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: its not amazing</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: hey what the fuck</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: but its defo better than roses ill give u that</span><br/>
<span class="rose">ROSE: What the fuck.</span><br/>
<span class="john">JUNE: is he househusband material?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yes</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: ehh give it a few years</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: dude</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Rose, have you got it unstuck yet?</span><br/>
<span class="rose">ROSE: Some of it.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">JAKE: Some of it?</span><br/>
<span class="rose">ROSE: Bits of it are still stuck to the pan.</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Well, I suppose that's okay. Just put the next one in.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">JAKE: I think I'm getting the hang of this!</span><br/>
<span class="jake">JAKE: Put it in, flip it over, take it out</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Make sure the pancake is a light golden-brown before you remove it from the pan, so you don't get salmonella poisoning from any undercooked eggs.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">JAKE: Oh...</span><br/>
<span class="john">JUNE: jake did you undercook them?</span><br/>
<span class="jake">JAKE: I think so..</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Oh, Jake...</span><br/>
<span class="jake">JAKE: *tugs at collar nervously* oops</span><br/>
<span class="calliope">CALLIOPE: i will eat them</span><br/>
<span class="calliope">CALLIOPE: i am not sUre hUman food poisoning affects me!</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: makes sense</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: i mean ya eat raw meat all tha time</span><br/>
<span class="jade">JADE: im not sure the pancakes will last until we can see you again calllie!</span><br/>
<span class="calliope">CALLIOPE: oh thats trUe</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">DIRK: Well, my pancakes are perfect.</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Oh?</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">DIRK: Just kidding.</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">DIRK: Aren't I funny?</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">DIRK: They're burnt.</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Oh dear.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: well mine actually are perfect</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: god damn that is one perfect lookin pancake</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i aint never seen a perfecter lookin pancake</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Really?</span><br/>
<span class="john">JUNE: i bet it looks like shit</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: what the fuck june</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: me n callies pancakes are lookin p cool gl</span><br/>
<span class="calliope">CALLIOPE: yes! im sUre we did a good job! althoUgh roxy did do most of the work u_u;;</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: thats not even true callie shhh</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: you did great</span><br/>
<span class="calliope">CALLIOPE: thank yoU! yoU did too ^u^</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: why is no one complimenting my pancakes what the fuck</span><br/>
<span class="jade">JADE: no one can see them!</span><br/>
<span class="jade">JADE: also they probably suck</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: what the fuck harley i thought we were friends</span><br/>
<span class="john">JUNE: i gotta say dave they probably do suck</span><br/>
<span class="john">JUNE: i mean no ones complimenting them so :B</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: what the fuck</span><br/>
<span class="rose">ROSE: Yes, Dave. You suck.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: wow rose</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: that was just mean</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i am hurt</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: you have wounded me</span><br/>
<span class="jake">JAKE: Well i am sure your pancakes are jolly good dave</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: thanks jake</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: my only supporter in life</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: bleh go get ur boyfriend to give you attention</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: maybe i will</span><br/>
</p><p>
	<span class="pesterlog"><span class="dave">turntechGodhead [TG]</span> left the call.</span><br/>
</p><p>
	<span class="roxy">ROXY: oh lol didnt think hed actually leave</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Well, goodbye to you too, Dave.</span><br/>
<span class="john">JUNE: jane he cant hear you</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: I know.</span><br/>
<span class="john">JUNE: i know</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: What?</span><br/>
<span class="john">JUNE: yes</span><br/>
<span class="rose">ROSE: Anyway, my pancakes are a disaster.</span><br/>
<span class="rose">ROSE: Loath as I am to admit, you were right; I suck at cooking.</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: WE TOLD U SO!</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">DIRK: Damn, Rose Lalonde admitting she sucks? Never.</span><br/>
<span class="calliope">CALLIOPE: i am sUre it coUldnt be that bad rose!</span><br/>
<span class="rose">ROSE: No, it really is 'that bad'.</span><br/>
<span class="calliope">CALLIOPE: oh dear</span><br/>
<span class="jake">JAKE: How bad is 'that bad'?</span><br/>
<span class="rose">ROSE: Very bad.</span><br/>
<span class="rose">ROSE: Definitely worse than Dave's.</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Well, perhaps we just need to have more lessons.</span><br/>
<span class="rose">ROSE: Please do not take this as a personal offence, but that does not sound like something I would like to do.</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: I see.</span><br/>
<span class="rose">ROSE: I am perfectly happy to let my lovely wife cook.</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: daww</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">DIRK: You are going to 'let' her cook.</span><br/>
<span class="rose">ROSE: You know what I mean, Dirk, be quiet.</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">DIRK: Yeah, I was just feeling left out of the conversation.</span><br/>
<span class="jade">JADE: so is the lesson over?</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: I suppose so.</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Remind me to never do this again.</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: awww what why not :(</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: I think nine people is just too much.</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Especially when the people are, well, you.</span><br/>
<span class="john">JUNE: rude</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: You know what I mean.</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: It's very hard to keep track of all of you, especially when you're all talking over each other all the time.</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: honestly yeaaa</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: I would love to do this again, but maybe with less people.</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">DIRK: Stick to one or two people at a time.</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Yes that sounds like a good plan.</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Well, I suppose that concludes our online cooking lesson.</span><br/>
<span class="calliope">CALLIOPE: thank yoU jane! it was very kind of yoU to do this for Us! very informative</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Well, thank you, Calliope.</span><br/>
<span class="jade">JADE: yeah thanks jane! i think my pancakes were pretty good so you at least taught one of us something :)</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: fuck yea thanks janey</span><br/>
<span class="john">JUNE: thanks jane my pancakes kinda suck but thats not your fault and im sure terezi and/or vriska will eat them but you did a good job teaching me</span><br/>
<span class="rose">ROSE: Yes, while my pancakes were not the best, your teaching was fairly good.</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">DIRK: Yeah.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">JAKE: Thanks Janey!</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Alright, goodnight everyone.</span><br/>
<span class="john">JUNE: night</span><br/>
</p><p>
	<span class="pesterlog"><span class="dave">turntechGodhead [TG]</span> joined the call.</span><br/>
</p><p>
	<span class="dave">DAVE: karkat likes my pancakes</span><br/>
</p><p>
	<span class="pesterlog"><span class="john">ectoBiologist [EB]</span> left the call.</span><br/>
<span class="pesterlog"><span class="jake">golgothasTerror [GT]</span>left the call.</span><br/>
<span class="pesterlog"><span class="jade">gardenGnostic [GG]</span> left the call.</span><br/>
<span class="pesterlog"><span class="rose">tentacleTherapist [TT]</span> left the call.</span><br/>
<span class="pesterlog"><span class="dirk">timaeusTestified [TT]</span> left the call.</span><br/>
<span class="pesterlog"><span class="roxy">tipsyGnostalgic [TG]</span> left the call.</span><br/>
</p><p>
	<span class="jane">JANE: That's nice, Dave.</span><br/>
</p><p>
	<span class="pesterlog"><span class="jane">gutsyGumshoe [GG]</span> left the call.</span><br/>
</p><p>
	<span class="dave">DAVE: what the fuck</span><br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>oh no i have no idea how to write jake :D</p><p>anyway it was fun to write everyone interact but also REALLY confusing trying to have everyone speak at the same time</p><p>come stalk me on tumblr: <a href="https://treasonoustoaster.tumblr.com/">treasonousToaster</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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